trauma

No longer a home… (content warning: images of house interior following fire)

Today I received a report from the fire investigator for the fire department. It was a hard one. It contained a wealth of photographs from our home the morning of our fire, seeing them flashed me back to being there. The sights, the smells, the sounds, how it felt both physically and emotionally…

I’m grateful for the distance our move has provided.

Saskatoon had become too suffocating. Like the seemingly liquid smoke that poured into my lungs that horrifying nightmare morning in February until we made it outside where our feet froze against the pavement and we screamed for our family members still inside. Everywhere I looked or walked were reminders of the life we used to have and never would again.

Prince George has given us a chance to clear our lungs, to breathe deeply and fill our bones again with sunlight. It is green and verdant and full of wild places and kin waiting to be explored and met. It is like I’ve been allowed to shed the black body bag our trauma attempted to suffocate me within.

Seeing the images of our no-longer-a-home as of the most recent inspection helped give me some closure. There is nothing there that I recognize, nothing I would consider ours. Our home is gone and in its place the beginnings of what will be filled with the love of some other family as the love the kiddo, myself, and our animal family will turn our place here into a home.

I place a handful of images here. In memory of what was, and in tribute for what can and will be.

I am sorry, but I can’t write image descriptions for these. It’s just too much for me.

The morning of the fire:

Inspection on Aug 20th:

Into the future, with gratitude and hope.

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